Thursday, November 24, 2011

Solomon Kane Wishes Ye Gluttonous Wretches a Happy Thanksgiving*

Everyone's favorite Puritan** bids you enjoy your nourishing repast and good fellowship (without ever losing sight of the fact that feasting, like all fleshly pleasures, is vain and fleeting, and that your sinful bodies are destined to fatten the worms even as the turkey does your mortal frames).

*Yeah, I know there's a distinction between Puritans and Pilgrims, but there's that hat...

** A pretty short list, as it turns out:
1. Solomon Kane
2. John Milton
3. ?


  1. 3. Cotton Mather? (Not much to recommend him, I guess, but he did warn against the acceptance of spectral evidence in court.)

    Anyway: Good Feast, Jeremy!

  2. 4. Oliver Cromwell.
    5. John Bunyan.
    6. Praisegod Barebones.

  3. I wonder if we can expand this into a d20 table.

  4. There's a Wikipedia page - List of Puritans. The only "K" entry in this alphabetical list, is Solomon Kane.

    I'd like to think that someone went to all that trouble, for the sole purpose of including Solomon Kane in the list. :)

  5. 7. Roger Williams

    @James -- I like the fact that the list makes no distinction between real people and fictional characters.

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  7. @Chris: I hadn't included Cromwell because of the "Everyone's Favorite" qualifier, but any list of Puritans makes that a tricky proposition, at best.

  8. 8. Jonathan "The God that holds you over the pit of hell, much as one holds a spider, or some loathsome insect over the fire, abhors you, and is dreadfully provoked:" Edwards

  9. I hadn't included Cromwell because of the "Everyone's Favorite" qualifier,

    he'd probably be at the top of my "least favorite puritans" list, but that one is much easier to make.

  10. Ahahaha! I have said that exact same thing (#1, #2) to people before! As far as Cromwell goes, it's a good thing they put him as far from the wall in Westminster as they did: it's hard to spit on his statue.