d100 Peculiarity Table for Galbaruc

I made this table for my Galbaruc campaign, though with some tweaking it might work for yours.  I jotted down 106 entries, but ended up scrapping a lot of them, narrowing it down to the 50 I liked best.  My campaign only has 2 PC races in it (Humans and Vat-Spawn) so this table's for Human characters, to give them a little distinction.

These are probably not even remotely balanced.

d100	Peculiarity
1-2	You are Androgynous:  +4 to attempts to pass as a (nonspecific) member of the opposite sex.
3-4	You are a Libertine: You must make a successful WIS roll to avoid Carousing if you finish an expedition with more loot than you started out with.
5-6	You are a Struldbrug.  You have immortality (barring death by violence, drowning, etc.) without eternal youth.
7-8	For some reason, (1-2) dogs (3-4) cats (5-6) birds hate you.  They’ll growl/hiss/squawk at your approach, and the GM rolls 2d6 each round you remain within 10 ft. of the animals in question, which attack on a roll of 2 even numbers.
9-10	You have a Doppelganger.  This individual is identical to you in appearance and stats, and wholeheartedly devoted to your ruin and destruction.  It will refrain from outright killing you until it feels that the you’ve undergone sufficient discomfort, loss, and humiliation.
11-12	You are a shape-shifting reptile from another plane of existence.   Your true from is undetectable by mundane means, but if it is ever compromised, you will need to devour another human to take their shape, a process requiring 48 hours in undisturbed darkness.  Your ancient enemies the (1-2) red (3-4) black scaled reptiles have their agents as well, and you will periodically receive orders from your superiors as you carry on the millennia-long struggle against your rivals,.
13-14	You may perceive oracular significance in the buzzing of insects.
15-16	Some years ago, you were a member of a secret cult.  Despite certain dire oaths to the contrary, you abandoned it.  Your former brothers and sisters are always on the lookout for the runaway.  Gain Distinctive Tattoo.
17-18	You are extraordinarily forgettable.  This can be frustrating, as you must constantly remind casual acquaintances of your identity, but it comes in handy when eyewitnesses to the robbery are describing suspects to the authorities.
19-20	You are a Gourmand.  You must make a Save vs. Spell roll at +4 difficulty to turn down the chance of experiencing a new taste.
21-22	Once per session, you may summon the spirit of an illustrious dead ancestor of yours for five minutes of consultation.
23-24	A powerful Magic-User , for some unknown reason, has taken an interest in your progress, and will act behind the scenes as a patron.  This assistance will not come without a price.
25-26	You were born with a tail.  Casual investigation has led you to believe that everyone is, and that there is a secret conspiracy of physicians and midwives to lop them off at birth, to some unguessable purpose.
27-28	You were born with a birth caul: While it remains on your person, you cannot drown.
29-30	You were baptized in the blood of the Salamander.  You take no damage from fire.
31-32	You are a musical prodigy.  You may give an unforgettable performance on any instrument, but the instrument will disintegrate or fall apart in dramatic fashion as soon as you finish playing.
33-34	True or not, you have a reputation as a colossal pervert – a sexual adventurer of the most depraved kind.  This will be met with interest and enthusiasm in some quarters, and suspicion and hostility in others.
35-36	You bear an executioner’s brand on your thumb, indicating a reprieve from the death penalty.  If found guilty for any crime in the future, you will swing for it.
37-38	You are an ordained cleric in the religion of your choice.  You possess no mystic powers, but can perform all observances, rituals, and ceremonies expected of you.  You have not been officially defrocked, but any relationship with the church hierarchy is strained, at best.   Reroll if you’re already playing a “capital C” Cleric.
39-40	Ghosts, specters, etc. are especially drawn to you.  These visitations are not always malevolent, and often take the form of pleas for aid and redress of past wrongs.
41-42	An otherworldly Insect parasite has lodged itself in the base of your spine.  You will occasionally experience strange fascinations and cravings, which you may attempt to resist with a Save vs. Spell.
43-44	You are an albino.
45-46	You are unable to grow any hair.  No eyebrows, no pubes, nothin’.   You are blessed to live in a time and place when wigs are fashionable.
47-48	You have a coin with the sigil of a Minor Demon carved into it.  You may summon this demon once to fulfill a favor, after which, the demon returns to its own plane and the coin is reduced to a worthless blackened lump of slag.
49-50	You’ve woken up from suspended animation  after d10 x100 years.  Take 1 dot in Lore, but your knowledge may be somewhat out of date.  Your speech will probably sound a bit archaic, as well.
51-52	Every time you fail your Save while Carousing,  make another Save (vs. Magic).  If you fail, you dream a monster into existence.  You (or the GM) roll up a monster using a random generator, which then blinks into existence, terrorizing the town or countryside and working its way toward you.
53-54	You have a horrible, rasping speaking voice but can sing like an angel.
55-56	You can hold your liquor like a champ.  +4 to save vs. poison when boozing it up.
57-58	You have an inch-tall horn spiraling out of your forehead.
59-60	Your physical body is the chain that keeps a monster imprisoned.   The GM will secretly roll a number on a d100.  When you’ve taken that much HP damage, (or die) the creature breaks its bonds and escapes.  Magical Healing can reverse the process, but only at a rate of 1 HP/instance.
61-62	Someone believes you to be the reincarnation of their former lover from a past life.
63-64	There is a 15% chance of switching bodies with one’s companion during sex. (particularly abandoned libertines may need to roll again to narrow it down).  You cannot re-enter (as it were) the same body after leaving it.
65-66	You have a lofty hereditary title to a place that doesn’t technically exist anymore
67-68	Attention whore: +1 to all rolls when in front of at least one non-participant  that’s paying attention.
69-70	You are a Compulsive gambler : Save vs. Spell to avoid participating in games of chance.
71-72	You were born during a thunderstorm beneath a blasted tree--  take no damage from lighting/electricity.
73-74	Through the use of drugs, ecstatic ritual, etc., you can enter a Berserk state.  +4 to hit, damage explodes on the highest 3 digits (melee) for d10 + CON modifier rounds, at the end of which, you fall unconscious for d6 rounds.  While Berserk you must make a Save vs. Spell to avoid attacking allies within 15 ft. of you.
75-76	You are the deposed Heir to an Island Prince.  Some day, you will raise an army and take back what is rightfully yours!
77-78	Your teeth have been filed to points.
79-80	You are a Eunuch, with all that implies.  Roll again if female.
81-82	You have some training as an Actor – +2 bonus to pretend to be of higher/lower social status.
83-84	You have a cheap tin talisman of Seppophis the Huntress.  +2 to attempts to find an individual.  Your pursuers have a -2 to find you.
85-86	You have in your possession a  small shard from one of the mysterious standing stones that litter the surrounding countryside.
87-88	You have no fingernails on your left hand.
89-90	Your weapon is an ancient, storied implement of great renown and prestige.  Generations of proud warriors have wielded it with glory and distinction.  It even has a name.  So your mother always insisted, and so you will tell the pawnbroker when you run out of money for gin.
91-92	You are Double jointed.  This has all kinds of fun mechanics implications that can surely be dealt with on an ad hoc basis.
93-94	Keith Richards: take a +4 bonus and R2K1 on all Saves vs. Poison when taking drugs.
95-96	You have a Holy guardian angel and it loathes you
97-98	Pugilist!  Your fists do d4 damage, R2K1.
99-100	You have a pickled punk – a tiny, two-headed fetus in a jar.  It can tell you one fact about an individual for each drop of their blood you put in its brine.  After 12 drops, the brine will be completely clouded with blood and the unfortunate creature will finally die.

Answering Jeff's 20 Campaign Questions [Galbaruc]

Questions can be found here.  Answers may change over time as the setting is further defined through play.


1. What is the deal with my cleric's religion? 

The Church of Urizen the Great Architect is the largest and most influential faith of Galbaruc and its immediate environs, but there exist numerous cults and sub-cults dedicated to a bewildering variety of saints and syncretized minor deities.  Small, ad hoc “chapels” to the numerous  aspects of Orc, Urizen’s opposite number, can be found all over the city (though hard-line Urizenites are enjoined to tear them down as soon as they’re discovered)  as well as countless temples and shrines to various foreign and indigenous gods.  Notable local deities include Yash-Kunag the Many-Toothed and Seppophis the Huntress.  Some “clerics” profess no faith or deity at all, offering their own explanations (or simple bafflement) as to the source of their wonder-working powers.   

                                                                     2. Where can we go to buy standard equipment?

Standard equipment is easily procured at merchant’s stalls in any of the temporary markets that open throughout the city.   Be prepared to haggle.   Anything more exotic can usually be found in the Night Market.

 3. Where can we go to get platemail custom fitted for this monster  I just befriended?


For that, you’ll want to talk to someone in one of the more exclusive boutiques.  Bespoke work will cost extra, but the price includes discretion.

4. Who is the mightiest wizard in the land?

This is a matter of considerable conjecture and debate.  All magical societies and orders proclaim their own superiority in the Art, yet the names spoken of with particular reverence and dread are notable for belonging to no society at all, and remaining alive in spite of the efforts of ambitious rivals.  The Beggar-King of Galbaruc is said to be well-versed in obscure lore particular to the city itself.  Jonquil of the Pale Flame is a formidable sorceress, though secretive in her ways.  She has refused, firmly but politely, all offers from such mystical orders as would admit a mere woman to their ranks.

5. Who is the greatest warrior in the land?

Venozzia the Tigress, a well-born young woman who renounced her family connections to become a mercenary captain (a position she claimed from the band's previous leader in a duel) has achieved great success of late in a series of campaigns in the Northern Wastes.  Her most notable feats to date include the sacking of  the fortified city of  Gorynych (for which the Tsar has sworn eternal enmity) and personally slaying Ghalki-Zhun, a degenerate ice-giant worshiped by the Northern Tribes as a god.

Closer to home, the current darling of the arena is Baudolino of Gra, a farmer's son from the provinces,  He has been seen to kill an ox with one blow of his fist.

    6. Who is the richest person in the land? 

In theory, that distinction belongs to the First Citizen, a personage of great magnificence and sagacity, who  may (with the consent and advice of the Senate and the Council of Ten) command the public purse.

In practice, the Merchant-Princes of Galbaruc far outstrip this worthy in wealth and splendor.  Their grand fetes, held in the glittering ballrooms of their palaces or on pleasure-barges drifting lazily along the Slanc, are unmatched in their novelty and opulence.  The wealthiest of their number is currently Kos the Ruby-Handed, an enigmatic semi-barbarian who arrived in Galbaruc but two years ago from the Cold Wastes, and whose meteoric rise in wealth and station has aroused the enmity of many of his recent peers.  He is rumored to patronize a powerful sorcerer, or a coterie of same.

               

7. Where can we go to get some magical healing?
 (see below)

8. Where can we go to get cures for the following conditions: poison, disease, curse, level drain, lycanthropy, polymorph, alignment change, death, undeath?
Poisons and diseases can be referred to clerics and physicians.  Physicans are more expensive, but Clerics will often demand payment in conversion or unpleasant tasks on their behalf.  Clerics can also deal with curses, though the method varies with the particular curse  Lycanthropy is cured via the application of silver weapons, beheading, and cremation,  There is no cure for level drain or death.  Undeath is commonly cured by beheading, immolation, and/or destruction of the heart.

9. Is there a magic guild my MU belongs to or that I can join in order to get more spells?

The city is rife with occult societies, 'ancient' orders, secretive sects, and mystical fraternities of all descriptions.  These vary wildly in respectability, power, resources, ostentation of costume and ceremony, and actual occult knowledge.  The more accessible of these operate on two levels: the first, for casual members, lacking any facility with the Art, for whom the Order serves as a social club in which to enjoy pleasant conversation, establish political, artistic, and personal connections, and engage in elaborately staged but mystically negligible rites -- the latter featuring a great deal of theatrical pomp, consumption of fine food and drink, and other fleshly delights, enjoyed with a pleasing veneer of ritual. 
    The second level consists of an "inner circle" in which the more important business of the order is discussed, magical research presented, and rituals of genuine efficacy performed.  Magical Orders in the city are intolerant to the point of murder where unaffiliated outsiders are concerned, and any Magic-User of 3rd level or higher will be sought out for recruitment or assassination by 1d4 such societies after spending a week or more in the city. 

10. Where can I find an alchemist, sage or other                       expert NPC?      

These can be found in great profusion throughout the city and the surrounding countryside.  Those who make their habitation in caves, remote cottages, or nigh-inaccessible towers surrounded by treacherous, specter-haunted forests are commonly held to be more reliable and serious-minded in the pursuit of their chosen studies, though their prices and personal habits can be alarming and eccentric in the extreme,  and paying a call on one such can be perilous, time-consuming, and generally inconvenient.  Those dwelling in the city are (fairly or not) more commonly held to be mountebanks, charlatans, and crackpots.

11. Where can I hire mercenaries?
Mercenaries are plentiful, and can be readily found south of the Slanc loitering around storefronts, gambling at dice and cards in taverns, and getting involved in drunken fistfights in public thoroughfares.  They come from every corner of the earth--  from tall, pipe-smoking 'Amazons' with stone-bows at their shoulders and long knives in their sashes to scouts and trackers from the Broken Knife islands, their faces covered in spiraling tattoos and their warclubs bristling with shark teeth, to rocketeers and crossbowmen fresh from the Khanate, to musketeers, dragoons, and sword-and-dagger men.

12. Is there any place on the map where swords are illegal, magic is outlawed or any other notable hassles from Johnny Law? 
Giant two-handed whale cleavers and blunderbusses are considered déclassé anywhere outside of the most disreputable quarters of the city.  Rapiers and smallswords can be worn anywhere by gentlemen of quality.  The dagger is enshrined in Galbaruci culture as the mark of a free citizen and worn openly in any setting.  Adventurers returning from expeditions are advised to have their licenses ready to produce at all times, as unlicensed adventurers face crippling fines, confiscation of loot and property, imprisonment, branding, and, for repeat offenders, death.

13. Which way to the nearest tavern? 

There are taverns, inns, coffeehouses, cabarets, bordellos, casinos, and lodging-houses (with a taproom on the ground floor) etc., throughout the city to serve clientele of all classes and tastes.  Most adventurers, being heavily-armed, shabby in appearance, and lacking in social graces, tend to frequent low, rough-and-tumble establishments where they may play at cards, dice, or competitive maiming, drink to excess, make contacts with other abandoned scum, hatch plots for unsavory escapades, gather intelligence for the commission of same, and enjoy the amorous attentions of jades, trollops, and rough trade, paid in full with gold wrenched that very evening from the hands of corpses.

14. What monsters are terrorizing the countryside sufficiently that if I kill them I will become famous?
None at the moment, unless you count the predations of bandits and highwaymen.  Notices of wanted miscreants and their bounties can be found posted all around the city.  

               

15. Are there any wars brewing I could go fight?
The Island Princes often wage (small-scale) war amongst themselves, but are advised to keep their bloodletting and intriguing in check.  Tensions are heating up with the nearby Sultanate of  Zhaibar, as its sultan sinks further into madness.

16. How about gladiatorial arenas complete with hard-won glory and fabulous cash prizes?

The barbaric old days of slave-gladiators are a thing of the past, disposed of in the same revolt by which Galbaruc secured her freedom.  Nowadays, the blood-thirsty mob must content themselves with spectacles involving willing participants.  The definition of "willing" is deceptively broad, including as it does eager swashbucklers, prizefighters from the provinces, indentured servants, debtors, and all animals.  Matches are fought with weapons and without, and may be to first blood, the unconsciousness of one or both parties, surrender, or death.

                 

17. Are there any secret societies with sinister agendas I could join and/or fight?
Yes, although their very nature ensures that PCs will only become aware of their presence after blundering into their carefully-laid schemes or being approached by their representatives.

18. What is there to eat around here?

As a port city, Galbaruc has access to a great variety of seafood.  Chiles and spices are very popular.  The most popular food for the adventuring classes is generally a fish stew, made with whatever was cheap and available at the market that day, along with some grilled flatbread to sop up the leavings.  Street vendors sell a bewildering array of food, mostly starchy, meaty, and fried.

19. Any legendary lost treasures I could be looking for?

(see below)

20. Where is the nearest dragon or other monster with Type H treasure?

 The Prelate of the Drowned, an inhuman shape-changing sorcerer believed to dwell beneath the Bay of Maidens, is said to be responsible for all shipwrecks that occur within sight of the city walls.  He is a consort of Yash-Kunag the Many-Toothed, and thus a rival to our beloved First Citizen, and his hoard, amassed over countless centuries, is beyond counting.

Where I'm At With Galbaruc

I've been thinking a lot about my Galbaruc setting lately, which I've let lie fallow for a while now, and more significantly, writing things down.  It should be obvious, but for some reason, I have a weird reluctance to actually put this stuff in writing.  It might be tied into being indecisive in general (a long-standing character flaw) but it's something I've been growing increasingly impatient with.  As long as it's this gauzy, intangible thing floating in some rarefied brain-mist, it's not actually being explored and gamed in, which is, after all, the point.

Somewhere along the way, I got so wrapped up in the hypothetical, world-building minutiae aspect that it became the focus instead of simply making a place to play games in.  This would lead inevitably to stalling and frustration over my lack of progress.  It's the same problem I had back in school.  I'd obsess about everything so much in my head that I couldn't get anything down on paper until the last minute and I had to work my ass off through an all-nighter or two because the paper was due and the professor had already given me an extension.  Far better to get it down on paper first, warts and all, and then take the scalpel to it.

So here's where I'm at with this thing.  It's all subject to modification and revision, but at least it isn't just in my head anymore:

SYSTEM: LotFP, with house rules and add-ons liberally swiped from Small But Vicious Dog, GURPS: Goblins, A Mighty Fortress, Tales of the Grotesque and Dungeonesque.

CLASSES: Limited to (Human) Fighter, Specialist, Cleric, M-U, Dilettante (Elf stats/abilities minus the business about enhanced senses), and (Non-Human) Vat-Spawn.

ALIGNMENT:  No Alignment restrictions for any class.

GUNS?  : Wheel-lock pistols and muskets are the most advanced weapons being fielded currently, but are prohibitively expensive and not ideal for dungeon environments.  Primitive grenades are also available.  Greater destructive power = greater potential risk of horrific fuckups.  Adventurers tend to be armed and armored in archaic fashion, with heavier armor, swords more robust than are currently fashionable in most civilized places and a greater reliance of crossbows, stone bows, etc.


Basically, something like this:

Everyday clothes

Adventuring Gear

Fashion-wise, it's all over the map, a' la the Dying Earth, with an emphasis on dash and flamboyance (especially among adventurers).  There'd be lots of equipment jury-rigged for adventuring purposes -- primitive mining helmets with lanterns mounted on them, or a shallow bowl for luminescent fungus, even more primitive diving suits for exploring undersea ruins, etc.

Speaking of adventurers, I'm taking a page out of RQ's Big Rubble:  No self-respecting City-State is going to stand for hordes of violent transients descending into its ruins, vaults and caves without wanting a cut themselves.    To that end...

FREELANCE ADVENTURER LICENSES are mandatory for non-citizens (all PCs, at least at the beginning, fall into this category) wishing to explore and plunder known "dungeon areas."  Failure to produce a valid license upon request can result in fines, confiscation of goods, imprisonment, branding, and, for repeat offenders, death.  Licensed adventurers pay a 10% exit fee on any loot obtained within the Galbaruc Senate's jurisdiction.

Players should keep the following in mind:

1.  Fake licenses can be obtained, meaning that the PCs forgo taxes after expeditions, paying nothing other than a one-time forger's fee.  There is always a chance of the forgery being recognized, however.

2.  Sites unknown to the Senate and kept secret by PCs cannot be taxed.

3.  It's amazing what a little bribery can accomplish.

DUNGEONS:   I took a course in Italian Archaeology once, and one thing that kept coming up over and over again was how so many now-famous sites and artifacts were discovered completely by accident.  Workmen digging wells and channels, farmers ploughing into the tops of ancient burial mounds, etc.  In areas where there's been continuous occupation for millenia, like Rome, you've got layers and layers of forgotten sites being accidentally discovered, looted, re-buried, forgotten, rediscovered, etc,  A building is destroyed, you set to work on a new foundation, and there's a temple under your feet.

I want to go for the same sort of feel with Galbaruc.  There are still plenty of sites outside the city limits, but you've got dungeons, crypts, catacombs, and ruins beneath the still-populated urban areas.  I loved this idea when I encountered it in EPT, and I wonder why it isn't a more common approach.  The settled, civilized areas are intimately lip-locked to the weird, otherworldly ones, and both sides are engaged in frenzied tonsil hockey as adventurers venture below and the monsters from beneath find their way up to the light.

There'll be more to come, but I thought I'd get this all down while it was on my mind.  I've mapped out 4 levels of dungeon and I'm about to start stocking them with monsters.  I can't wait to roll out the welcome mat and open for business.

Three Monsters I Made Using Jack Shear's 3d6 Weird Monster Generator

I've been having problems with writer's block for the past few days, and today I decided to abandon what I had been working on and do something practical and constructive.*  Mapping dungeons, filling them with monsters -- the basics that I too often ignore, preferring instead to daydream about ambitious side projects that I hardly ever actually work on.  Not today!  Today, I'd have something to show for it!  I knew I wanted to stock the next dungeon with something weird and unexpected. -- something they hadn't encountered in any previous adventure.  Too lazy even to use James Raggi's Random Esoteric Creature Generator, I went with Jack Shear's 3d6 Weird Monster Generator from Flavors of Fear, which I'd glanced at and admired, but had never actually kicked the tires on.  It's inspired, in turn, from Zak S.' article here.  Anyway, here's what I came up with -- each monster completed in just a couple of minutes, with just one roll of 3d6.

Monster 1  "Stenchfoot Clubhands"

Head: Horned beast (+1 Attack, 1d6 damage + stun on a charge)

Body: Shaggy beast (+1 Armor Class)

Arms/Legs: Gnarled ending in club-like protrusions (+2 Attacks, 1d8 damage + save vs. stun)

Hit Dice: 4

AC: 13

Attack Bonus: +5

# of Attacks: 3

Damage: horns: d6 + save vs. stun on a charge,  clubhands: d8+ save vs. stun, clubfeet: d8+ save vs. stun.

Special: unholy stench (anyone in close combat takes 1d4 damage/round)

Vulnerabilities: Bleeder (loses d4 HP every round once injured)

Monster 2: "Skullface Freezytentacles"

Head: Fleshless skull (add Cause Fear to creature's abilities)

Body:  Emanates freezing cold [anyone within close combat distances takes -1 to all rolls]

Arms/Legs:  Writhing tentacles (+1d4 attacks, 1d4 damage + save vs. constriction)

Hit Dice: 2

AC: 12

Attack Bonus: N/A

# of Attacks: 2

Damage: tentacles: 1d4 + save vs. constriction

Special: Poisonous Touch, Cause Fear

Vulnerabilities: cannot cross water

Monster 3: "Shockmaster WitheredLizard"

Head:  Fork-tongued reptile (+1 Attack, 1d4 damage + poison)

Body:  Electric pulse [anyone hitting the monster with a metal weapon takes 1d6 points of damage]

Arms/Legs:  Withered limbs ending in long, reaching fingers (+1 Attack, 1d6 damage + save vs. disease)

Hit Dice: 5

AC: 12

Attack Bonus: +7

# of Attacks: 2

Damage: tongue (1d4, save vs. poison,) hands (1d6, save vs. disease)

Special: Can use Invisibility 2x/day

Vulnerabilities: 2x damage from Holy items.

I'm very proud of my babies and I can't wait to try to kill you with them.

Now roll 3d6 and squeeze out some fresh abominations.

*comparatively speaking

[Actual Play Report] Villainy Roams the Hill Cantons Unchecked and Unhindered!

The Following is an Actual Play Report of the Hill Cantons session run by Chris Kutalik on 2/23/12.  You can read other reports from the session here and here, but I cannot answer for their veracity.

    Dear friends, it is with a heavy heart that I come before you this evening, my sad tale to relate.  Yet I must be firm and steadfast, for the very words which pain me to merely recall them, which burn in my breast like glowing embers, speak of nothing less than a danger which threatens us all.  My friends, are you aware of the growing epidemic of KIDNAPPING?  Gangs of ruthless men, quite abandoned in their ways and heedless of the laws of God and man, roam these hills like unto ravening wolves, preying upon the most frail and tender prey they can find -- our very wives and daughters!  Honest matrons, radiant young brides, delicate blushing virgins -- all are borne away in stealth by these fiends, who respect neither property nor status -- indeed, ladies of quality are especially sought after, for the gold these demons in human form can extract from their grief-stricken parents.  and they do not limit their depredations to the fairer sex.  Sons, fathers, husbands, even valuable household pets-- it matters not to the kidnapper so long as they think to profit from their abduction.

     I myself heard the confession of a young man but a few days ago which broke my very heart to hear it.  In age and aspect, he could have been my very brother, but while I have repented my youthful folly and devoted myself to the service of the MOST PUISSANT SUN LORD GLORY BE TO HIS NAME, this unfortunate wretch had followed a different path -- a dark, and winding path, which began, as it always seems to, my friends -- as a stroll down a pleasant lane through sun-dappled fields, but soon, with many a twist and turn, he found to be a labyrinth of woe, choked with thorns and brambles.  This man had kept bad company, and would while away his days in sin and indolence.  He and his fellows were well known to the bawd and the procuress, the keeper of gambling dens and the purveyor of stolen goods.  And they amused themselves for a time with such wicked diversions as they found without overmuch diligence, until they decided among themselves to commit a crime of greater villainy than any they had hitherto attempted.

     It seems that one of his "friends" -- a confirmed layabout and wastrel, of such softness and effeminacy that but an hour of honest work would leave his hands blistered and bleeding, had taken a wife. Needless to say, he cared not a fig for his husbandly duties, but continued as before, while his unfortunate bride -- a sweet, trusting creature of gentle disposition and becoming modesty -- was left alone to suffer in silence, to endure his thoughtless neglect as best she could.  Her father was a man of some means, and with this knowledge in mind, he conceived his vile project.  He would, with the assistance of these his co-conspirators, abduct his own dear wife in secret, and line their pockets with the ransom when the dear girl's father had offered it up.  My friends, what times are these we live in when the blessed estate of matrimony is exploited in so vile a fashion?  We may censure and hold in contempt --- and justly so!-- the husband who not only tolerates the infidelities of his wife, but compounds the transgression by becoming her pander as well, and profiting thereby!  My dear friends how much more loathsome is the man who, with foul confederates, their hands stained and reeking from crimes innumerable, captures and imprisons his unsuspecting helpmeet -- she who should command his tenderest devotion-- all for the sake of extracting filthy lucre from his own father-in-law?

     My friends, I will not dwell upon the sordid details of this wretched escapade.  How they watched and waited, covertly studying their victim's habits.  How they, with the practice of foul sorcery and beguiling words did lure the innocent creature and her sworn bondman down a treacherous alley.  How the two were captured -- the bondman cut down without mercy, and the hapless bride spirited away to a filthy tenement.  No, these crimes can bear only so much light before we avert our eyes in disgust and horror.  But there was worse to come, dear friends.  For these hard-hearted villains yet possessed a sort of innocence.  They believed, for all their blasphemous oaths and swaggering boasts, that the bonds of family were stronger than the love of gold.  In this, they found themselves rudely confronted with the vile reality -- like a maiden menaced by a leering pervert from the doorway of some low establishment.  The bridegroom, slyly inquiring of his father-in-law's intentions when the abduction became known, was told in no uncertain terms that the girl's life was as dross to him -- the very fruit of his loins could have her pretty throat cut by some murderous transient before he would part with so much as a single piece of copper!"

     "My friends, this is a sorry state of affairs.  When husbands plot against their wives for base gold -- when honest goodwives are abducted in broad daylight from a busy thoroughfare!  When fathers who can well afford it refuse to pay a ransom on their own kin, which, while not an insignificant sum, was certainly within their means!  We live in depraved and sinful times, my brothers and sisters, and great will be the Sun-Lord's reckoning when such cupidity and vice run rampant!  In such times, the word of the Sun-Lord must be proclaimed from one shining Hill to the next!  Repent, oh repent, O my children, and let these Cantons ring with His praises!"

"But what can I do?' you ask.  "I am no thief-taker with net and truncheon.  I am no doughty warrior, with mail and halberd to defend against the unrighteous.  I am no pious priest, whose blessings make the bare branch bud and bloom, and whose curses wither the fruit on the vine.'  My friend, I am a simple man, these my companions all simple men, with simple gifts.  It is not force of arms we seek in our great enterprise, nor miracles -- the Sun Lord alone can provide such.  But we have travelled far, and must travel still farther to preach the good word.  And travel takes its toll in blood and sweat.  And also money.  We do not ask for much dear friends -- but consider!  To what purpose had you intended the gold in your purses?  Was it to serve some vain fancy?  Some vapid bauble to flatter and amuse and TITILLATE?  My friends, when you find yourself on your deathbeds --- and the hour comes swiftly!-- what story will your life's ledger reveal?
Think on it, my friends, think on it."

Praise His Sweet Name,

The Reverend Meriwether Chambliss, Col. (ret.) The Sultan of Uqbar's Lancers.

Look at These Album Covers. Also, Teasing Glimpses of Posts to Come.

Working on a few entries in the draft pile, including but not limited to:

- A Broad Overview of Religion on Galbaruc

- Classes on Galbaruc: Cleric - How I'm handling Clerics in my home campaign, once I get it off the ground.  I'm putting in Atheist clerics, which might be a stupid idea, but which made sense to me the other day, and fits with the way I'm envisioning the class in this setting.

- The Space-Race on Galbaruc, and what people there think about the Moon.

- The Supreme Monstrosity: The winged, 9-eyed Dinosaur Satan who is rumored to lair in a cave somewhere on Oriax, and which I stole from TOPPS' Dinosaurs Attack! bubble gum cards from the late '80's.

- The Brazen Head of Criswell, an artifact of dubious, reality-warping prophetic power

- By the way, Oriax has been relocated.  It's no longer a planet in its own right, but is a continent on a shared world setting co-owned by me, Evan Elkins, and Robert Parker.  We just figured, hey, we're each doing weird space-fantasy desert planets, planets are huge, so why not have it be the same planet.

- An Actual Play report of the Hill Cantons game the other day, according to the Colonel, whose reputation for veracity is matched only by his fearlessness in battle.

But for now, I just want to show you the cover art for this two-part album from Earth, because I think it's absolutely gorgeous.

Marc Bolan Predicted Carcosa Back in 1977!

The Witch-Man of Hackney with his familiar, Utargh-Thun the Devourer.

It's true.

From "Crimson Moon", a track from the final T. Rex album Dandy in the Underworld.

I'm a chartreuse lover

I'm an indigo man

In the black of the night

I'll hold your lily white hand

Under the crimson moon

Marc Bolan: Electric Warrior, Child of the Revolution, OSR Nostradamus.

When GW Was Quirky and Interesting and More Interested In Making Cool Shit Than Issuing Cease- And- Desist Orders OR: The Games Workshop Staff, Circa 1987

Looking at the incredible pics Jeff put up recently from the 1983 Citadel Compendium put me on mind of one of my favorite pieces from the original (1987) version of Rogue Trader.  It's a group caricature portrait of the GW staff at the time, done up in the early gonzo form of what would become the 40k aesthetic.

To me, it's emblematic of GW's shift from the quirky, individual, and interesting to the dull, impersonal, and monolithic.  I think this comes across in every aspect of the company's output.  The artwork becomes more consistent and technically refined, but loses the odd, personal, sometimes wildly divergent work of artists like John Blanche, Ian Miller, John Sibbick (remember the punked-out dwarf hacking through the goblin on the over of WFRP 1st ed?), and Martin McKenna, who did the group portrait above and whose pencil work can be found throughout a lot of early WFRP stuff (he did all the interior illos for The Enemy Within: Death on the Reik, for instance) , resulting in a comparatively stagnant, predictable, uniform aesthetic that has more to do with maintaining "brand identity" than anything else.  White Dwarf's past awesomeness and sad metamorphosis into little more than a glossy advertising brochure is already well documented here and elsewhere.

I was going to go off on an extended diatribe on the loss of the individual voice/personal aesthetics/creative risk-taking in gaming products and publications, conformity and corporate culture, and a little pom-pom twirling on how, with the OSR and the the indie gaming scene, we're seeing a resurgence in the sort of distinctive personal blah blah blah.... but if you're reading this, you've probably already read several of those, with better writing, stronger arguments, and more exhaustive detail, so for now, I'm just going to say OH MY GOD LOOK AT THAT PICTURE OF MUTANT SPACE PUNK GAME DESIGNERS WITH RAYGUNS AND CHAINSAWS.

Well, So Much For the Whole "Frequent Updates" Thing...

Two weeks already.  I'd meant to be more diligent about updating this thing, but time seems to have slipped away from me.  Anyway, a few updates:

1.  Oriax is not dead, but it has changed shape and location.  More on that shortly.

2.  I've started showing my artwork at the ZaPow gallery here in downtown Asheville.  We're having a party/opening on Feb. 11th, and I'll have a few pieces up for the occasion.  There will be live music, free beer, and free ice cream.  Anyone who doesn't like at least one of those things is very possibly a Reptoid, or one of the aliens from They Live.  They probably also hate laughter, oral sex, monster movies, pretty sunsets, and all mammals.  Defy them and attend, at least in spirit.  Read more about the event here.

3. Hugo le Bâtard, my character in Jeff Rients' Caves of Myrddin game, has, in collaboration with Darf the Dwarf, opened up a new den of vice and iniquity on the grounds of Hugo's manor house in Cornwall.

Le Lapin Bleu is open for business, and now sports its very own blog.  Featuring an expanded set of results for Jeff's famous Carousing Table (as well as an expanded wine list and floor show entertainment), make The Blue Rabbit your FLAILSNAILS PC's #1 destination for spending your ill-gotten loot in style (and away from those busybodies at the Abbey guesthouse).  

GM Questionnaire... the Answers May Surprise You!

Since all the cool kids are doing it:

(from here)

1. If you had to pick a single invention in a game you were most proud of what would it be?


I really liked the necromancy-practicing were-owls I came up with for World of Darkness: Changing Breeds, though I have no idea if anyone ever used them in their own games.


2. When was the last time you GMed?


Way back in Dec. 2, 2011.


3. When was the last time you played?


Jan. 9, 2012 -- I played Hugo le Bâtard, and we ventured into Michael Moscrip's Castle Nicodemus. Vampire books, man. Vampire books.


4. Give us a one-sentence pitch for an adventure you haven't run but would like to.


Bookhounds of Sigil -- you're all skeevy book-trade types dealing with murder, extortion, and rare volumes in a city that's a multplanar nexus point.


5. What do you do while you wait for players to do things?


Jot down little notes to myself, offer unhelpful suggestions.


6. What, if anything, do you eat while you play?


It depends on the time of day. Lately, I've just been playing over G+, so I might have a snack in the evening, or an egg sandwich and a cup of coffee if I'm in Jeff's game at insane o'clock in the morning.


7. Do you find GMing physically exhausting?


Not usually.


8. What was the last interesting (to you, anyway) thing you remember a PC you were running doing?



Co-opening a tavern/cabaret/den of ill repute on the grounds of a manor house in Cornwall.


9. Do your players take your serious setting and make it unserious? Vice versa? Neither?


It's usually a mix. There's the inevitable injection of occasional silliness that occurs whenever a setting is exposed to actual players, but in the past, I've had players do the opposite. I had a character start out as a Skaven captive, which I played fairly lightly, but the player took it to some very dark places indeed.


10. What do you do with goblins?


I haven't done anything with them yet. If I did anything with them, I'd probably use GURPS: Goblins as a source, with the goblins being of variable shape and size depending on their environment/abuses suffered. At one point, I thought it would be interesting if they needed a human to act as their king (I'm thinking of David Bowie in Labyrinth), and they'd find (and abduct) the new king based on a grotesque version of the tests Tibetan monks run through when trying to find the new Dalai Lama.


11. What was the last non-RPG thing you saw that you converted into game material (background, setting, trap, etc.)?


I watched Zardoz again the other night, and swiped several elements from the movie (Zardoz himself, the exterminators, the vortex, etc.) for my campaign setting. The effete, self-destructive Immortals are informing the way I'm handling elves in my game.


12. What's the funniest table moment you can remember right now?


The one that jumps out at me first is from my EPT game. Matthew Miller's character nimbly scales a wall, only to be fried to a crisp by multiple laser beams. The subsequent conversation between the party sorcerer and Matthew's character's ghost made things even funnier.


13. What was the last game book you looked at--aside from things you referenced in a game--why were you looking at it?


Carcosa, because it had just arrived in the mail.


14. Who's your idea of the perfect RPG illustrator?


It really depends on the game, setting, tone, etc. That said, Gustave Dore' was pretty flexable. He could do comic, absurd, creepy, and awe-inspiring -- sometimes in the same illustration.


15. Does your game ever make your players genuinely afraid?


I've been told I've creeped players out before (in a good way), but I dunno about genuine fear.


16. What was the best time you ever had running an adventure you didn't write? (If ever)


Probably The Great Pendragon Campaign, though it unfortunately died before we even got to Arthur's conception. The players were so into the spirit of the thing -- going on quests, fighting Saxons, fathering bastards, etc.


17. What would be the ideal physical set up to run a game in?


Up here in the Appalachian mountains -- outside on a large table after food had been cleared away. It's a crisp early autumn or late summer evening, and there's a few beers and a couple bottles on wine on the table.


18. If you had to think of the two most disparate games or game products that you like what would they be?


The Extraordinary Adventures of Baron Munchausen and Unknown Armies.


19. If you had to think of the most disparate influences overall on your game, what would they be?


William Blake, James Branch Cabell, and Hollow Earth theories.


20. As a GM, what kind of player do you want at your table?


Clever, easy-going, with a good sense of humor.


21. What's a real life experience you've translated into game terms?


When I was a Classics student, we translated, analyzed, and discussed a lot of Latin poetry. I was in an experimental free-form play-by-post Planescape game once where we took turns GMing in a variety of styles, formats, and POVs. One of my segments was a parody of those exercises and class discussions, with the action of the story being the poem being translated and (erroneously) analysed by students.


22. Is there an RPG product that you wish existed but doesn't?


I want a Call of Cthulhu sourcebook on occult LA -- especially Hollywood -- say from the Silent era to the early '70s.


23. Is there anyone you know who you talk about RPGs with who doesn't play? How do those conversations go?


I don't really talk about RPGs with people who don't play, as I think I'd bore them senseless. My wife has played in the past, and probably will do so again in the future, but it's more of a thing she does with me than something she has a strong interest in for its own sake. But I bounce ideas off her and ask for suggestions all the time. She's a sci-fi/fantasy writer.